Railbox is dead /mourn

Warning!! Adult Language used..... 

Well the railbox campaign is over. If 5 months of silence didn't clue you in, then I will. First off we have had trouble getting a group started and staying together(for over two decades). And when I say trouble, I mean everything from players not showing or canceling last minute, then never returning, to group members getting into an all out war. Several groups have fallen to the wayside and we moved on. I'm not sure how many campaigns have been tossed out by myself or Eric (or ERIC! as he seems to prefer). But we start over. Now I will not apologize for zero posting in five months, but I will explain why. 

 This last group only consisted of Eric, Nick, and myself. Not much to start with, but it was a start. Unfortunately after our second session (which I was in the middle of typing up the post for) Eric called and said Nick was quitting. I took it badly, not within hearing of either Nick or Eric. I was pissed off. I said, to myself, what's the fuckin' point of even trying to put another damn group together. Hell it took us a year of no group to get Nick to play. It took Eric even longer to get Nick to consider it. Before I go any further I want to say that I understand why Nick quit and I respect his decision. I don't agree with it, but he's a grown ass man who can make his own choices without my help. I am not, nor ever was, mad at Nick for his choice. But I was mad at the situation.

 Eric and I continued our bi-weekly gaming sessions, but I didn't bother to post. I couldn't see the point. It wasn't until two weeks ago when Eric asked me when was I going to post again, that I realized why I hadn't posted.....

 I was sulking.

 Over the last five months, I was sulking. I could call it soul searching or dreading the public cancelling of another campaign, but that's bullshit. I was sitting at home looking for a million reasons not to post. The serious soul searching was done years ago when our last large group fell apart. I had asked all the questions from WTF to did I do that? I discovered that while losing rpg groups sucks, I would continue to try, purely for the love of the game. I know some people don't like me. I know I'm an asshole, a jerk, a guy that doesn't care what you think, and I honestly don't have a filter. I say what I feel, when I feel it, and it usually takes me a few seconds to realize I may have fucked up. I don't ever intend to hurt someones feelings by what I say, but it happens alot. I try to apologize to people for it when I first meet them, but it doesn't help. In groups I tend to keep a fair lid on it, but I've been known to spout off. So of course, I blame myself for some of those groups. Eric, for some unknown reason, has been able to see through my crap and stay with me over the last three decades (3? Holy Hell, we're old men bro). After the last soul search, I realized that losing the group wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't truly love the game.

 I know I should take the same policy with the gaming groups as I do the characters(ie. it's just a game and no crying because Tom the Allthumbs died, he's just a piece of paper), but I can't. I enjoy the game, maybe too much. I'm almost 40 (not for 6 months after Eric's old ass though) and I love role-playing games. So every failed group or campaign sucks. But every new group or campaign makes it that much more fun. 

 Now back to the premise. The railbox is dead /mourn. Long live the next group. I will have a few more stories rolling out soon, but I needed to get that out. Also I will be posting the rest of the campaign in future weeks. Feel free to cherry pick. Lastly, I will be posting a rant in the next few days, completely off the subject, but I don't Facecrack or Twit(intentionally misspelled) and I really need to rant. So feel free to ignore my Razor Rant post.